Tuesday, July 26, 2016

When all seems Hopeless

My faithful readers and followers: I know I have been silent. It has been too long since I wrote my last post. I am still here and I am hoping to not only get back into writing more regularly, but into possibly turning my blog into some kind of book (thanks for your encouragement to do so). But for now, let me confess—I have been on auto pilot for the past six months. It has been a blur of activity as well as emotion, and I have not stayed true to the purpose and theme of my blog which is to “Consider it Joy” in all circumstances. I have been overwhelmed with life—the good, the bad, the rough, the ugly, and the beautiful. Over the past six months I have been physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally exhausted and at the same time, I have experienced some of the most precious life moments with friends and family.

This will be a short post—just to let you know that “yes, I am still here.” Let me tell you that I have sat down numerous times over the past six months to write and share from my heart. And nearly every time I have left my writing in draft form. My thoughts weren’t complete, my ideas weren’t anything that I thought would be of any benefit  to me or my readers. I have finally attributed it to this thing called MID LIFE. The insomnia, clouded thoughts, forgetfulness, anxiety—no wonder the term is associated with the word CRISIS.  My son Micah keeps reminding me that I am past mid life (as in, “You are just plain old, mom”—thanks so much son—keep it real).  

Whatever the age or stage, many of my friends are experiencing mid life woes. Here are some of them—maybe you can relate:

Dealing with what I call the “business of death” as many of our parents are dying and we are taking care of finances, services, properties, and taxes while grieving at the same time. While many of us are dealing with this, others are in the stage of caring for their elderly and ailing parents. This too takes its toll. Many of my friends are experiencing transitions in jobs and finances and transitions with our children as they either go off to college or get married or are struggling on their own as they try to find their way in adulthood. Many of us still have younger or even little ones at home, so we are in the thick of all the school, sports, flurry of activity stages. I have a number of friends dealing with crises in their marriages and many of us are dealing with changes in health and body and mind. When many of these are happening at the same time to not only you, but with your friends, it can all be completely overwhelming.

Start with all these personal stressors, and then add the fact that our world continues to be in true crisis. Now our world has always been in crisis (but that is another blog topic), but many of us don’t want to even turn on the news to find out about the latest terrorist event or the latest battle over which lives matter. Add to that a vitriolic election year, peppered with everyone’s right to share their bold comments on social media and we are brewing a pot that has already boiled over.

I don’t know where you are in all of this, but it can suck the hope and peace and joy out of any of us. All  the things I have been dealing with over the past few months, coupled with the world events, have nearly debilitated me. I have been poring over my Bible to find hope and comfort and strength and many times I leave hopeless and deflated.  I leave fearful and anxious. I leave with questions.

And now my readers, you think this is the part where I am going to put in my “words of encouragement”—my reflections on purpose, my “let’s focus on gratitude” moments.  You think this is the part where I am going to put all my thoughts together and come up with a solution, a reflection that puts all my messed up Rubric’s cube of thoughts into colored order. No, I will just leave with you with this—I don’t have it all together. Never have. I don’t have answers. Never have. I go to sleep nightly with thoughts and prayers for our world, our leaders, our nation, our community and I am hurting, just like many of you.

So I will leave today’s blog post with a portion of Psalm 27. I looked in my Bible at my personal notes and I had read this on March 9, 2013, nine days after I was diagnosed with cancer. It spoke to me then and it speaks to me now. Perhaps it will speak to you.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation, so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? When evil people come to devour me, when my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. The one thing I ask of the Lord, the thing I seek most, is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.” Psalm 27: 1-4

1 comment:

Kate said...

I loved your post, as I always do. At our age we are going through so many changes, good and bad, happy and sad, that it can be hard to always consider everything with joy. I appreciate that your posts are so real and that you don't ignore the down side of life. If you write a book I would love to be a test reader, I love the way that you effortlessly bring God and his message into your writings. You remind me a lot of Beth Moore, which I mean with the highest of compliments! I am so sorry for the loss of your father, I can't imagine what a hole that leaves in your life. You and I are both blessed that we have sisters we can share these times with as our parents age and have health issues, not sure what I would do without Sally by my side. Good luck in the next month as your son goes off to college, we leave to take my Rachel on August 15 and I know that your son's school starts around the same time as Rachel's good friend, also named Rachel (Probst) is going to Fort Collins also. Ok, enough of me blabbing on, thank you for your writings, I very much enjoy them, they always make me think! :)