It is that time of year… end of school activities, award
ceremonies, banquets, proms, promotions, graduations, college acceptances……and
much of it gets chronicled on social media.
I actually like it—I love seeing the flurry of festivities my friends
and their families are involved in—from those nearby to those who live far
away. And with all these pictures and
posts come the inevitable “brag book” comments. Last week I saw a plaque in a gift store that
said, “I hope your life is really as awesome as you portray it on Facebook.” While
I laughed out loud, it caused me to pause a bit and reflect on the way we live,
communicate, connect, and share. The reality is this—No, my life is not always
awesome, or perfect, or organized or sweet. And neither is yours.
First-- we all know that social media has changed the way
that our world communicates. The younger generation has gotten away from FB and
is focusing on Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram. We post little snapshots and
cute captions that try to capture a moment or an experience. Our lives and
communication and connection are mere sound bites. Facebook and Instagram have become breeding
grounds for major announcements: pregnancies (and all those 3d ultrasound
pictures), engagements, weddings, college acceptances, new jobs, divorces,
anniversaries, illnesses. While all this keeps us informed and “connected”, it
also causes isolation, jealousy, comparison, and unreal expectations of others
and ourselves.
I have always viewed FB as a way to share things that are
pretty important to me—I am not one to post “Am at Starbucks today and here is
a picture of my latte”. But if something
is important, or if someone in my family has a special event, or if I want to
share something I believe strongly in or am passionate about—it will probably
end up on a FB status or in on my blog. But social media is not a substitute
for real, live, honest, raw, and beautiful relationships. It is not the place
to air our dirty laundry or reveal the skeletons in our closet—(though unfortunately
it is to some). So, yes, sometimes our lives just look a little more “awesome”
on FB.
Real connections and authentic relationships come from
spending time with people. They come from shared experiences. They come from
celebrating our successes and our joys together as well as trudging through the
trials of life together. Real connection
comes when we admit our failures and open up to those we trust. It comes when we find the few people we can
be completely ourselves with and know that we are loved no matter what kind of
mistakes we make. Authenticity comes when we stop trying to look like everyone
else, compete with everyone else, and compare ourselves with everyone else. If
our connections all come from social media, there is no way we are going to
have any kind of real and true relationships. There is no way we can put the
time into 858 or 1200 or 4000 “friends” to make a relationship flourish. We can
“like” an image, or comment on a status, but true intimacy comes with walking
alongside the people we make a priority in our lives.
I may post things that are celebrations or milestones or
important life passages, but I am still an ordinary woman who lives a real,
ordinary life. I struggle with the same things most of us do—parenting, making
time for family and friends, finances, juggling schedules, fitting in what is
important, finding purpose. I can’t get caught up in the lies of social media
and I encourage you not to as well. I
have seen people “fast” or “take a break” from social media for time periods.
Believe it or not, I actually know a number of people who aren’t on any kind of
social media. Don’t let it take over your life. Don’t let it cloud your beliefs
or values or confidence. Don’t let it lure you into the “comparison trap”.
If you want real connection, call a friend. Ask good
questions. Care. Make eye contact. Give a hug. Pat a hand. Hold a friend’s
baby. Plan a dinner date. Go for a hike with someone you haven’t seen in
awhile. Arrange a mini reunion with people from the “old days”. Share a
struggle. Open up about a pain. Ask a friend for advice. Reveal your hurts.
Celebrate your joys. Do this in person with those you love. Face to face.
Then go ahead and post those pictures.
1 comment:
Hi Kirsten I love your post this is awesome.you are so right it takes time to know people and u can't really know people online.I love your thinking as I was reading your blog .I hope u have a good night and hope u enjoy my comment love u
Post a Comment