I know that many of you have been waiting for news of my
last surgery—which by the way was my third surgery within eleven months. Thank
you for your concern and because of that, I will spend a little time on the
details of the surgery and recovery and then some time on my most recent
reflections.
The surgery to remove the tumor from my lung was one month ago
today. All went smoothly. The tumor was indeed cancerous and it was a metastasis
of the primary cancer which in the
cancer world is good news (meaning it wasn’t a new cancer). All the margins
were clear which means that I am once again “cancer free." But as I have
learned in the cancer culture—that doesn’t mean the journey is over. In fact
cancer will be part of my journey for the rest of my life—I am a cancer
survivor and yet always a cancer patient. I will have another scan this month
and meet with my oncologist that same week. The doctor appointments will
continue to be a regular part of my schedule and I may face chemotherapy once
again just to do a “safety blast” on my body.
My life will consist
of scans and scopes and hopes that cancer has not returned or spread. These
scans will be closer in range for the first few years and if the cancer stays
away, then the scans will be further and further apart. But I will live the
rest of my life having to face the reality that cancer might return to my body.
This may seem daunting to some of you, but I choose to accept it and use it to
truly prioritize each day of my life. We don’t really understand that until we
face something life threatening like I have.
Please don’t think that I am Positive Polly about all of this. I hate
the fact that I have to have scans and have to wait with anxiety to hear the
results. I hate that my husband and children have to live with that fear as
well. It sucks, plain and simple. But I have chosen LIFE and I have chosen to
spend my time looking at all the good in the world instead of focusing on the bad.
The good of the past month: I had about four really tough
days and I have endured some chronic pain until just a few days ago, but the
support of my amazing friends and family overcame all of that pain. My lifetime best
friend came out from Iowa to stay with me for the week of surgery. Friends came
to visit me in the hospital and during my recovery. My mom visited and cleaned
my refrigerator and my cupboards and ran carpool daily. The meals, cards,
flowers, texts, phone calls, visits, from so many people meant so much. My friend Danielle set up at meal calendar and meals having been coming for the entire month. My college friend who lives in San Jose
ordered a meal to be delivered to us on line through a company called
“Restaurants to Go." My best friend from junior high traveled from Orange
County to bring us a meal and visit me. Near and far people are praying for me
and supporting me and I feel the love and it overwhelms me.
My physical recovery has been a thousand times easier than
my surgery last year. I still can’t even lift a gallon of milk, but I have been
out walking and enjoying the beauty of the hills that surround my home. I tried
running twice and that wasn’t a good idea, but I feel strong enough now to try
to go back to my spin classes at the end of the week. My mental recovery has
been rougher—I have been impatient and controlling and frustrated with little
things. Part of that is due to all the
medications I am on, and part
unfortunately is just my personality. But to focus on the good—I have a husband
who is patient and kind and kids who understand the word and the action of
“forgiveness."
After the big Ice Bucket Challenge that went viral one month
ago (see my previous blog entry on social media), a new one began. People are
challenging others to share three things they are grateful for over the span of
one week (or something like that). Now this is a positive way to use social
media and it focuses on the good in the world instead of the bad. I am not
picking this challenge apart, but I would like to comment on it. Shouldn’t we be focusing on what we are
grateful for every day? Not just three things each day for a week, but many
things each day over the span of our lifetime? Shouldn’t that be the focus of our life—gratitude?? I read a book when I
was first diagnosed with cancer, and I wrote an earlier blog post on it as well. It is
called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. She focuses on writing what
she is grateful for every day and to look at the smallest of things. Her goal
was to write out one thousand things she was grateful for. I know many people
who are doing this and many people who are journaling and thinking about the
good instead of the bad.
I am faced daily with the possibility that cancer could make
its ugly return. But I choose to focus each day on the things I am grateful
for. There are some days that I complain and whine and act like a mad woman and
I forget that my life is a sweet, sweet gift.
And when those days happen, I simply need to re-direct and focus again
on the good and beautiful and the dear and the sweet.
My challenge to you is to start your day being simply grateful
that you have a new day--a precious new day. And then begin that day thinking
about what you are grateful for. It can be the same thing each day. It can be
simple or it can be big. I am thankful for that cup of butterscotch toffee
coffee that I drink when I write in my journal during my quiet time. I am thankful for that
morning when I run that is cool and misty. I am thankful that I have two
beautiful sons who are healthy, smart, and kind. I am thankful for my husband
who I don’t deserve who puts up with me day in and day out, for better or for
worse and in sickness and in health. And my list goes on and I write it out
each day. The small, the quirky, the big
and the bold.
Take the time to focus on all that you are thankful for; take the time for gratitude. It will change
your daily living. It will change your perspective on life. And this is all I
have set out to do in my blog dear readers. To inspire you, to challenge you,
and to help you see the beauty of this one glorious life we have been given by
a great and holy God. May your day be blessed.
“Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude.” A.A Milne
1 comment:
My dear sister, I believe that when your friends and family write down those things for which they are grateful, YOU are on every list! I am grateful to have known and loved you ALL MY LIFE!
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