Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Waiting

No one likes waiting.  I certainly don't. I don't like waiting in lines or at red lights, or for my boys to finally do their chores. I don't like it when I wait for people who are late, or when I have to wait for things to get done "my way."  Yes, I am a control freak....and every day I have to give this "freakish" behavior to God because I know that He really is in control and I certainly am not.  But I am learning to wait....and I am learning to be flexible. (Now I know that the word "flexible" and Kirsten Loy do not pair up well, and I know that right now my mom, dad, Lil Sis Karen, my boys, my husband, and heck- a ton of others of you are laughing hysterically that I actually said that I am becoming more flexible!) But let's carry on....I really am learning to be flexible.  But more important, I am learning to WAIT. God's Word says so much on "waiting on the Lord." The Israelites were enslaved in Egypt for 400 years; they wandered in the wilderness for 40 years.  And I can't wait for a red light to turn green?

Right now I have to continue to wait for more answers. I had my PET scan on Friday and my MRI on Monday. My friend Kim took me to my MRI appointment and we had the best six hours together with the exception of 45 minutes of it being inside a tiny tube (just me, not her).  We decided we needed some shopping and happy hour therapy after the scan, and we celebrated life well--scans, cancer, and all....

But Tuesday I had my appointment with my oncologist and I was hoping for some concrete answers and some news that the scans were clear.....but that didn't happen.


I am not going to divulge too many details yet, because frankly I don't know them all, nor does the doctor. But from the initial reports from the Pet scan, it looks like the cancer has spread.  They will have to look in detail at the MRI to see the extent of it....but as I have already learned, everything is a waiting process.  They are getting the MRI scans and then my case will be sent to a "Tumor Board" at UCSD--a two hour meeting with the best of the best--the colon surgeon, the liver surgeon, the radiologist, the oncologist, the nurses.....everyone.  They will look at all my reports and images and come up with a plan of attack--and I say attack because this looks like it is going to be more of a battle than we thought. 

The Tumor Board is scheduled for next Tuesday (April 2) and then I will meet with them right after at 3:00 and find out the real results.  So we have a LOT to pray about. My biggest prayer right now is that I would not be anxious or fearful and that I would trust in the Lord completely. Please please please pray for Greg and my boys.

I have an amazing friend Jon--a doctor, who is one of my lifelong friends from college (and that is a whole other blog post--oh the days at UCSB!).  He lives in Georgia, but he is on the list of doctors who gets my reports and we talk pretty much every day.  He explains any questions that I still might have and tells me lots of jokes and college days memories to make me laugh.  He and his family are a huge blessing in my life--and he is giving me so many assurances and hope. 

But.....I still have to wait.  And let me tell you, waiting SUCKS.  There--I said it--just trying to be real and transparent (read my earlier posts).....but our timing is not God's timing, and the answers we want are often not the answers God gives us (He still has a plan and a purpose though).  I know that many of you want to know what is going on and want more answers, but please join me in waiting.....I can't explain everything to everyone....and I should have a lot more information by next week.  So we wait....expectantly, and we pray....for miracles and healing. 

"Wait patiently for the Lord...be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27: 14 
(Read all of Psalm 27--it is one of my favorites!)

"We wait in hope for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice for we trust his holy name."
Psalm 33:20 

I am blessed--by the incredible outpouring of support from friends near and far.  We have more waiting to do, but let's wait expectantly, and pray boldly. Live each day with full joy-- don't wait for that part.  Carpe Diem!

Blessings my friends.

5 comments:

Irene Dwinnell said...

Kirsten,
I continue to pray for your health. I will ask all the powers that be to help you find peace during the wait. I am so grateful that you have the love of your family. I hope that your boys are getting the support they need. Talk about powerless, they need all the support they can get.

All positive thoughts,
Irene

Belinda Naylor said...

Oh Kirsten I just read your blog, I'm sorry to hear there are so many more unknowns. You are strong and brave, and so very loved I know you'll get through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I loved the blog about transparency also - I wish I had thought about that more when my Dad passed away a few years ago. Love, Belinda

Karin Adkins said...

Kirsten,
My case is being presented (again) to the tumor board on the 2nd as well. WE are in good hands!
Sending love and prayers!
Karin

Marilyn Coson said...

Kirsten,
Please know that I am thinking of you and your family during this most challenging time. All of you are in my prayers as you begin this journey.
You are continuing to serve others even now with courage and grace. A truly inspirational being.
With love,
Marilyn

Donna said...

With regards to waiting at a red light...

One day while riding the school bus, I asked the bus driver (who was also our pastor at church) how he always seemed so patient at stop lights. He said he imagines that Jesus is in the crosswalk crossing the street and he has to wait for him to arrive safely at the other side. When Jesus is safe, the light turns green.

Thinking of you,
Donna Penn (works with Donna Bozykowski)